dee kay

there are those amazing moments, and we try and capture those and make them happen over and over and over again. hoping to fulfill our lives with sequences of amazing moments.

sasha wakes to the sun
shining into her bedroom.
As the heat beats against her cold bed
she smells a beautiful day ahead.

Walking along the street she passes shops
closed, open, setting up, closing down.
Jumping into puddles of light
she holds a mini rebellion against the wind
and the sadness it hints.

'You can't get me down today'
her heart expounds as she smiles
and with great care allows a small sigh to dissipate in her little heart,
pretending that it was never there to begin with.

Jump once, twice, three times.
The sunlight splashing onto her shoes, socks, dress and everything in between.
Jump four, five, six more times
And all of a sudden the clouds engulf the source of her joy.

Not afraid to reach between the buttons of her dress,
through her rib cage and straight to her heart,
she feels the throb of her heart so congested it bleeds passion.
'Let me be for today. For I am out of joy and in need of some release'

'Alright.' And as she washes the sunshine from her dress, socks, shoes and everything in between,
tears fall naturally from her fragile face
and her emotions run along her veins like children in a candy store.
'Please don't take too long' she begs as she begins a process she knows only too well.
After her first plea, nothing else matters, as she allows the feelings -personal or worldly inflicted-
to wash against and within her body before falling to the floor,
completely detached after doing the work they were created to accomplish.
As if a lifetime has passed, the last of them falls.

One would expect her face to be pale and lifeless,
for it's not easy for this exercise to be completed.
And while worried at what we might find, we look up anyway
hoping to provide comfort, or an after-relief of some kind.

No one can predict what they might find,
for she is free, pure and full of joy.
The way she was made to be.
Life pulsates in her entity
and her cheeks are flushed with cheeky anticipation.

Just then the clouds roll away and as she shy's a hint of a smile
it suddenly seems as if no time had passed at all.
Hand on her heart, she is now beaming.
'Don't forget' she whispers
as she skips off into the city.

Sasha wakes to the sun,
shining into her bedroom.
Salt crystals lacing her eyelashes and smiles
she smells a beautiful day ahead.

there's something about lying around and listening to music or better yet, lying (anywhere) and looking at the clouds and listening to good music. there's something amazing about that. amazing.
I keep replaying scenes in my head that are probably evolving into something different then the actual events of that evening/morning but I digress.
conversations about nothing and everything seem to take place all over again with some unexpected people and some that have been very very missed and looking back on old diaries that I had left behind I realize my take on the world is so different from what it used to be. While I was more vocal about it before, I think that much more and learn that much faster now. I'm sure it's like that drawing on the white board that James and I cheekily discussed before one of our MI tutorials (pain-fulfillment-pain) (ha-ha). Ok that sentence was just added for no conjunction-ing reason.. (so was the extra full stop). Also, there's SO MUCH that has happened in the past FIVE months (feb,march,april,may,june) that I am so greteful for and have learnt so much of, I can't even begin to describe it on my blog... which is why I haven't event attempted in the past couple of months. I've been overwhelmed by a colourful ray of emotions and they didn't even come one after the other. Just all at the same time, and jumbled up, as if they themselves were confused. And while my putting pen to paper has never been so infrequent, when I do write, it is with full intent to disperse inspiration into tangible form or to push some buttons in my mentaly inactive entity.
still. my thinking patters have far from changed. I catch my mind wondering off to a world where I don't have to worry about wearing my heart on my sleeve or if my words have been taken too seriously or lightly. where the dependency of my happiness is mearely measured on positive degrees and my thoughts are possibly less complicated than they are when I feel... complicated. I sip on my water that is laced with the green tea that was previously poured into it and think about how every part of my life will always be traced with my past. Is it about being able to let it go? live for the moment? or remembering and learning from it... but probably having to hang on to the unpleasentries as well. There is no such thing as a win-win. Not for the things that matter. Because as cheesy as it sounds, things of worth are worth what they are through the sacrifice you have to make to earn it. I don't know how I got to this point but I guess I've always had a way of talking myself into the weirdest of topics. But just as a late disclaimer, this entry is like one of those movies that you've wanted to watch for ages but because there just seems to be other things to do as the movie goes on, you have no choice but to watch it over, say, ten hours. This is like that. I started this post probably a good eight hours ago and have since had breakfast and lunch (not consecutively of course), watched three episodes of ghost whisperer, talked to my mother, father and both my sisters, yolly, started organizing my facebook friends, twittered everal times, snacked on some chocolate and watched a few movie trailers on apple.com (note to self: watch and read 'the time traveler's wife'). while I might have been a little too specific I assure you there are things I have missed out. Still.. I can't help but think that in that time I've spent a good majority of it on my laptop. which, not to say the least, is fair because i'm trying to be socially responsible and perform some self quarantine, even if just for one day. There's more I want to say, there's always more I want to say, :) but I won't. I reckon this post is long enough.

old photos and elderly words of wisdom
make me question, my decisions.
But, life will go on and we'll never comprehend
why this world keeps on spinning, when we're not ready yet.
with a smile and a shrug that you know all too well,
I'll let this matter rest, at least for now, I will.

(the post title isn't supposed to make sense)